Mothers Stories Project: Mother Story

Hello, my name is Amy. Fourteen years ago, I gave my daughter up for adoption (at birth) through Children's Home Society to a family unable to have children. This was supposed to be an "open" or "independent adoption" as I had met the family through a mutual friend and all parties verbally agreed on this. Had they not agreed to this, I would not have allowed the adoption to take place.

When my daughter was around 4-5 mos old, I got a visit from my case worker who told me the family changed their minds and they no longer wanted contact. This came as a complete shock to me as it was totally out of the blue. I never got a reason. They agreed to send me updates every 6 months until she turns 18. I was devastated but was told by the caseworker there was nothing I could do. I was forced to accept the updates as my only way of watching her grow up.

I got the updates as promised until recently when suddenly all communication stopped. When I phoned CHS to inquire about my updates, I was told that they didn't have an updated address or number for the family and they were unable to contact them.

I did some research, found their address and learned they've been living there since 2003 so I found it hard to believe the agency didn't still have their address. They had lied to me yet again! I felt brushed off by the agency who seemed unwilling to even just speak to me on the phone for any length of time. I made contact and sent the family a letter.  It wasn't the nicest letter and I do regret being so nasty since I got no response.

Another thing I feel was dishonest on the part of CHS is that although I knew who the father of my child was, they told me to lie and say I didn't know who he was because he could take the child. I knew he wouldn't have been a fit father as he was addicted to drugs, so I went along with what CHS said.  They told me it was the right thing to do for the baby.

I was only fourteen years old when I got pregnant and feel I was completely taken advantage of by not only the agency but the adoptive family as well. I gave my child up for adoption on false pretenses.

I did have 100% support from my parents no matter what my decision was but I didn't want to put that responsibility on them.  I was worried I wouldn't be a good mom being so young. I realize now that I made a huge mistake.  I wish with all my heart I could go back and undo the adoption. She'll be 14 this year and I've missed out on so much! I hope to somehow reopen communication with the family and one day reunite with my little girl.